- “I didn’t hear a flush!”
- “Stop licking that!”
- “Why did you draw on your face with marker?!”
- “Are those dried boogers on your shirt?!”
- “What’s that smell?!”
- “Boogers aren’t food!”
- “Don’t throw that away, I’ll eat it!”
- “You have two devices going, turn one off!”
- “Who’s going to clean this up?!”
- “How much longer do I have to stay awake?!”
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Pushing Fifty and a Stroller 
No.3 cracked me up.
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#2 and #7 are my favs.
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