Butterfly: My Daughter’s “Diffwent Mom”

I’ve written previously in “Like Space Mother, Like Daughter” about how my little girl surprised me with her claim she had a “diffwent mom” before me. I have since learned more details.

pretty-butterflyHer name is Butterfly, she has purple hair and wears skirts. She is married to Brian and they live somewhere cold (I asked her to show me on a map and she pointed to Alaska). Her siblings are baby twin sisters named Bella and Rosy, and a baby brother named Junior. Brian likes to fish and they eat what he brings home. My daughter says she was seven years old when she lived with them. She doesn’t know why she had to leave and live with me. She claims to love me and Butterfly the same.

I find it fascinating that Diffwent Mom’s name is Butterfly. The spiritual and symbolic significance impresses me, as many people believe butterflies represent the soul, and are a powerful symbol of endurance, change, transformation and resilience. The journey from caterpillar to butterfly is one of confusion and struggle before the creature emerges from the isolation of its chrysalis a more beautiful, enlightened, and less fearful version of itself.butterfly-chrysalis

The butterfly is a good allegory for recovery of any kind — from loss, grief or illness — all of which I know too well. You probably do too. A lot of people know what it’s like to go through a process of self-isolation and emerge braver and stronger.

I feel badly for Butterfly, if she truly exists somewhere she’s mourning her loss. She doesn’t know how much our little girl is loved and adored. She can’t see that she’s happy and glowing. I relate to her struggle, because I wonder about my deceased son every day. I wonder if his soul was returned somewhere in the world, being loved while he talks about his Diffwent Mom with brown hair who likes to wear flannels, whom he slightly remembers and hopefully misses. If this scenario is possible, I’d wish he’d still love me the same as his present mom.

I want Butterfly to know that I understand, and she doesn’t have to worry because I’m loving our girl enough for both of us. If I could write Butterfly a letter, I’d tell her she did a good job fostering our girl’s exuberant and silly soul which arrived intact, along with her big personality and feelings. She came with an overflowing capacity to charm and spread love, which fills my heart with joy every day.

My daughter talks about Diffwent Mom and “baby bwaddah and sistahs” several times a day. I think she was a protective and doting big sister because now she frequently wants to give them her leftover food, outgrown clothes and baby toys. She talks about their favorite foods, activities and colors. I’m fascinated by her stories, especially the details, like Junior won’t eat macaroni and cheese but her sisters love it. Her sisters have brown hair but Junior has no hair (“but him still cute”).

purple-butterfly-transparentI’m oddly comforted when she talks about life with Butterfly. It gives me hope that maybe our souls, no matter where they travel in the world, never forget love. If that’s true, then my son will never forget me. My daughter’s fantastic tale about a possible past life makes me believe my deceased son could still remember me. His Butterfly.

5 thoughts on “Butterfly: My Daughter’s “Diffwent Mom””

  1. This is amazing! I’ve always wanted to believe in reincarnation and am fascinated by accounts of people saying they have lived previously. But it’s also lovely to see the mother figure represented with the name Butterfly or as in your image, a purple butterfly. My sis-in-law visited a medium after her mother died and she was told that she would see her mother in the form of a purple butterfly. On holiday in Italy she was stopped from stepping on a purple butterfly that kept fluttering near her and her partner. The following year I went to leave my house and a purple butterfly was flying outside our door and I found I couldn’t leave until it flew away – it was her birthday.

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  2. I’m not surprised by L’s imaginative, creative, colorful interpretation of her “story”….knowing quite well where her gift comes from, Butterfly. She’s not even four years old yet & already creating stories with hidden meanings, very entertaining. She’s very witty,too, & quick with the Comebacks, I found out! What a sweetheart to fill your day with pure “Joy”. I do believe M is up in heaven getting quite a few laughs watching his little Sister lift your heart & make you smile…he’s with you & C, I, loving you both so much. Maybe he’s inspiring L’s thoughts…he wanted a baby sister, I remember.
    Wishing I could take away your hurt…knowing your pain. You’re the most loving Mom to your children,relishing every moment -pure love.
    My heart,
    RF

    Like

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