- Bereaved Mom
- Great Aunt
- Breast Cancer Survivor
Yesterday you held my hand, now you hold your phone.
You drew me pictures, now you send emojis. You never left my side, now you rarely leave your room. You wore clothes with characters, now you wear labels. You played make-believe, now you play Fortnite. You checked for loose teeth, now you check Snapchat. You hid from thunder, now you barely shudder.
Yesterday I was your world, now the world is yours.
- Ironic parenting
- Ironic t-shirts
- Ironic dad-bods
- Ironic mom-jeans
- Binge watching
- The travel-size section at Walgreens (I’m taking all the cute minis on my trip)
- The exercise aisle at Five Below (I’d exercise if I had a new yoga mat…and block…and pedometer…and)
- The produce section at Costco (I’m only eating salad from now on)
- The Container Store (Gonna organize everything)
- Barnes & Noble (I’ll make time to read a whole book)
- REI (Sleeping outside looks fun)
- Any hotel gym (I’m totally gonna treadmill on vaycay)
- The Great Escape (We need a pool, right?)
- Any craft store (I’ll make this…and this…and)
- Home Depot (Let’s play in all the fake kitchens)
- The boat show (I could get used to this)
- An open house (Ooh, nice trafalet)
- A buffet (I can try whatever I want)
- The Kwik-Mart (My Powerball ticket is the winner)
- Parking garages (I always get a good spot)
- Got out of SUV wrong
- Wore heels
- Moved furniture
- Tried yoga
- Ate something spicy
- Licked envelope
- Sat in bleachers too long
- Stepped on Lego
- Yawned too big
- Bent down then tried to get up
- Sneezed too hard
- Slept wrong
- Got up too fast
- Ate cheese
- Shoveled snow
- Tried to read without my glasses
- Reached for something
- Opened plastic toy packaging
- Shaved legs
You can hear it in the air. You can hear it everywhere. Does she even care? Why does Mommy swear?
She swears at other drivers. She swears at rude connivers. She swears at messy spills. Is this how she gets her thrills?
She swears when she is late and she cannot find her keys. She swears when she is busy and must stop to take a pee.
She does it when she cooks. She does it when she cleans. She doesn’t try to hide it and she isn’t being mean. She sometimes swears a little, but usually swears more. She even says words that I never heard before.
Is it because she’s tired and always feels a bit perturbed? Or maybe that her hands are too full to flip the bird?
Why Mommy swears a lot is a mystery, you see. She seems to swear at everything, but she never swears at me.